Audience power essay - feedback and learner response

1) 

WWW: This is seriously impressive – pushing 950 words, a well-developed argument showing plenty of originality and opinion plus a good selection of examples. It’s particularly impressive that you’re arguing that audiences have not been empowered as much as many people believe – and that the power still lies with the major media companies.

EBI: It’s definitely worth looking at how you’re structuring essays and paragraphs. You start with a very firm view regarding audiences NOT having much more power… but then most of the following paragraphs have topic sentences that contradict this. It’s completely acceptable to have changed your viewpoint by the end of an essay (arguably it’s a great sign of the academic journey of the essay!) but you don’t want to confuse your reader along the way.

Alongside this, I think you’ve covered the media debates very impressively but you don’t always stay focused on the question which is crucial when writing an essay. The question is regarding audience power but if you re-read your paragraphs you don’t always bring things back to power. One trick is to try and use the key words from the question (audience, power, internet) at the beginning and end of every paragraph.

LR: See tasks on blog.

2)  947 words

3) I believe that my 2nd to last paragraph is my best 1 as it is the only one i do not believe i strayed from the topic

4) my weakest paragraph is my 2nd paragraph as it is entirely not about the question

5) The Internet has changed the music industry a lot and the consumer has benefited from this. Some advantages of the internet for the consumer are: You Tube where you can listen to and watch music videos, streaming which can be done on various websites and apps, bands/artist can now be discovered online and successful artists are chosen by audiences so anyone can become famous, it is now cheaper and much more accessible. This allows the audience to control what other consumers watch/ listen to and persuade the way the internet changes. Apps like Sound Cloud and Spotify are new ways that are free for users to listen to their favourite artists and idols through. This is also a way for 'Bedroom Bands' to be seen by record labels and get their music out into the world as you can post your own music as well. Another way for artists to be discovered is on You Tube where you can post covers of your favourite music but also create your own music. This helps the consumer to change the music industry even more in a way that they can be an influence.